1. Sometimes when you feel fat or really ugly, you just need to be told that you definitely are fat and/or ugly and there is no one in the world that is going to lay that down more for you than your sister. Luckily, because you are from the same womb, you are probably both fat and ugly so you can work on not being fat and ugly together.
2. As you get older, it becomes weirder to ask you parents permission to do things. For example, at the age of 20 there are many things that I feel like I want to do but know that I probably shouldn't. For example, when on a night out and feeling very drunk I often find myself in a dilemma. Stop drinking and start sobering up or make myself vomit and carry on. I would often like some impartial advice when in this situation. Call Mum? No. Definitely not impartial. Call your sister she will be sure to guide you. Not sure if the three date rule applies? Call your sister! Torn on whether to buy some reduced nipple tassels? Call your sister!
3. You reach a certain age when you have so much shit on each other that you reach a stalemate. Don't think you've got there yet? The time will come. The first 18 years of your life might seem hard with constant threats of telling looming over your head. However, when you both mature enough you will learn that there is no way that your sister will ever tell on you because a telltale battle will commence. Both pointless and winner-less.
4. Who else is going to pluck that ingrown hair in your bum crack?
5. Sometimes when you are sad and you want to cry, you can go and see your sister and she will laugh at you. This might seem mean but you will start laughing too and then everything is fine again because girls rule and boys drool.
6. Stealing clothes. This isn't for the obvious reason of more clothes but because when you argue you have a pile of peace offerings that you can dish out throughout the year. "Sorry that I ate your last gluten-free Jaffacake, here is the leather jacket that you thought you lost three months ago xx"
7. The problem with friends is that it doesn't matter how close you are, everyone is in some form of competition to have the better relationship. With your sister though, there is no escaping it. You have to see her relationship every day and she has to see yours too. You know how shit each other's love life is and you can always take comfort in that.
8. When no one is around to tickle your back and eat ice cream with you, your sister will always be there to do this. Your sister will always drop plans for you because at the end of the day, you both know how much your friends suck and how much your sister doesn't.
9. You will spend your whole life planning on how to sneak a stray puppy into the house and convince your mum to let you keep it but when you get older and move out you realise that you can technically just get a puppy without your mum's advice and it. will. be. AWESOME. AND if you don't live with each other you can probably get a puppy each and they can be boyfriend and girlfriend and then they can have puppies! Puppies all over the place!
10. If there is anyone in the world that understands what an absolute freak you are, it is your sister because she helped breed you to be that way. Want to pretend to be koalas for an hour? Why not? You're in your twenties and you can do whatever you bloody well want.
